Boodles and Ice
So I am reading Esquire magazine the other day – if you are familiar with the publication, you may feel as I do that it’s a lot of fish wrap for the vain with some interesting chum for those of us who don’t measure worth through the eyes of Calvin Klein or Kenneth Cole (if you are willing to swim long enough through the quagmire of pretty boys and girls and the smell of a French whorehouse each time you turn a page).
Okay, so you are hopefully getting the sense that I am jaded.
I am. More and more these days I bite into what I expect to be the tender, juicy Filet Mignon of life only to find a leathery piece of skin that would do Jack Palance’s famous mug proud.
One of the columns I enjoy in Esquire is titled Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women. Invariably this is a beautiful actress or model proclaiming the ten things that make her smile, love, giggle, flush, sigh, or moan. Of course, the point is that it’s normally not big pecs and a tight ass – case in point, a few of the most recent Things (from Mariska Hargitay, in the September issue) are: creativity, high erotic IQ, imagination, and making a woman feel cherished.
Fact is, I am not so incredibly naïve as to believe that Paris Hilton is going to fall for the average schmoe because he has a high erotic IQ and sends his lady a different flower every day of the week.
Okay, bad example. Paris would fuck a leper after enough Finlandia and Red Bull. But you get my point. Imagine my dismay when I thumb backwards (trust me, if you've never tried, you just can’t read a copy of Esquire in the traditional way without becoming lost in the chaff) to find the magazine’s idea of Least Believable Trend is:
“Fat guys and their hot wives on CBS.”
Have we really sunken to this level as a society? That the sight of a fat guy on television (who happens to be funny, charming, and most definitely cherishes his woman), partnered with an attractive spouse (who happens to be curvy rather than waifish, strong rather than flimsy, and sweet rather than slut), is cause for incredulity?
Look, if we are going to measure a man through his qualities – physical, as well as emotional and intellectual – then Esquire is about as far from being a trusted source as you can get.
My suggestion?
Read John D. MacDonald. Namely, get to know Travis McGee.
Once you’ve read any of the twenty-one McGee stories, you need never look further to acquire the mold from whence the perfect man emerges.
Travis McGee, while fictional, and written by a man who ironically shared none of the perfect physical credentials of his muse, takes erotic IQ, creativity, and cherishing a woman, to a new level.
Granted, McDonald created McGee in a simpler time, and the writing – while brilliant and full of prose to be admired – to some may slant a bit toward cheesy when compared in context to more “contemporary” literature. Still, you will never come closer to the epitome of what should make a man tick.
And damn does Travis know how to live life.
He stands 6’ 4”, and in middle age maintains a physique to be admired. A “salvage expert” by trade, his physical presence is matched only by the size of his heart. While he never gives it wantonly, he gives it freely, and cares more for the women he encounters than most have before. He loves and fights like an athlete with a PhD in Physics and Masters in Anatomy and Kinesiology. He understanding the angles, speeds, and forces that bring an opponent to his knees while at the same time harbors the knowledge of the pressures, touches, movements, and timings that make a woman sated. McGee lives on a houseboat in South Florida, his best friend is a hairy economist, and he drinks Boodles and Ice.
Need I say more to intrigue you? Yes, it’s just a ham-handed attempt to summarize the character to be sure; I could never do MacDonald justice. You should read the man and see for yourself. In that regard, here is a good link to a bibliography of the Travis McGee series:
http://members.bellatlantic.net/~mwarble/slipf18/series.htm
I once read an ad for Boodles that proclaimed:
“...full-bodied…this is a classic combination of power and finesse…”
Goes to show MacDonald’s diligence in character construction, assuring that each nuance of McGee tied to the whole.
Would that Esquire, or any other publication that lays claim to the inner workings and the outer appearance of the quintessential man, truly examine the species as John D. MacDonald did.
From his musings, we could learn a thing or two.
For now, here’s a Boodles and Ice to you.
The back seat is quiet.
Okay, so you are hopefully getting the sense that I am jaded.
I am. More and more these days I bite into what I expect to be the tender, juicy Filet Mignon of life only to find a leathery piece of skin that would do Jack Palance’s famous mug proud.
One of the columns I enjoy in Esquire is titled Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women. Invariably this is a beautiful actress or model proclaiming the ten things that make her smile, love, giggle, flush, sigh, or moan. Of course, the point is that it’s normally not big pecs and a tight ass – case in point, a few of the most recent Things (from Mariska Hargitay, in the September issue) are: creativity, high erotic IQ, imagination, and making a woman feel cherished.
Fact is, I am not so incredibly naïve as to believe that Paris Hilton is going to fall for the average schmoe because he has a high erotic IQ and sends his lady a different flower every day of the week.
Okay, bad example. Paris would fuck a leper after enough Finlandia and Red Bull. But you get my point. Imagine my dismay when I thumb backwards (trust me, if you've never tried, you just can’t read a copy of Esquire in the traditional way without becoming lost in the chaff) to find the magazine’s idea of Least Believable Trend is:
“Fat guys and their hot wives on CBS.”
Have we really sunken to this level as a society? That the sight of a fat guy on television (who happens to be funny, charming, and most definitely cherishes his woman), partnered with an attractive spouse (who happens to be curvy rather than waifish, strong rather than flimsy, and sweet rather than slut), is cause for incredulity?
Look, if we are going to measure a man through his qualities – physical, as well as emotional and intellectual – then Esquire is about as far from being a trusted source as you can get.
My suggestion?
Read John D. MacDonald. Namely, get to know Travis McGee.
Once you’ve read any of the twenty-one McGee stories, you need never look further to acquire the mold from whence the perfect man emerges.
Travis McGee, while fictional, and written by a man who ironically shared none of the perfect physical credentials of his muse, takes erotic IQ, creativity, and cherishing a woman, to a new level.
Granted, McDonald created McGee in a simpler time, and the writing – while brilliant and full of prose to be admired – to some may slant a bit toward cheesy when compared in context to more “contemporary” literature. Still, you will never come closer to the epitome of what should make a man tick.
And damn does Travis know how to live life.
He stands 6’ 4”, and in middle age maintains a physique to be admired. A “salvage expert” by trade, his physical presence is matched only by the size of his heart. While he never gives it wantonly, he gives it freely, and cares more for the women he encounters than most have before. He loves and fights like an athlete with a PhD in Physics and Masters in Anatomy and Kinesiology. He understanding the angles, speeds, and forces that bring an opponent to his knees while at the same time harbors the knowledge of the pressures, touches, movements, and timings that make a woman sated. McGee lives on a houseboat in South Florida, his best friend is a hairy economist, and he drinks Boodles and Ice.
Need I say more to intrigue you? Yes, it’s just a ham-handed attempt to summarize the character to be sure; I could never do MacDonald justice. You should read the man and see for yourself. In that regard, here is a good link to a bibliography of the Travis McGee series:
http://members.bellatlantic.net/~mwarble/slipf18/series.htm
I once read an ad for Boodles that proclaimed:
“...full-bodied…this is a classic combination of power and finesse…”
Goes to show MacDonald’s diligence in character construction, assuring that each nuance of McGee tied to the whole.
Would that Esquire, or any other publication that lays claim to the inner workings and the outer appearance of the quintessential man, truly examine the species as John D. MacDonald did.
From his musings, we could learn a thing or two.
For now, here’s a Boodles and Ice to you.
The back seat is quiet.
posted by Commish at 6:03 AM
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